This is Where The Healing Begins

Going to Norway changed my life in so many ways, but the biggest impact it made on me was definitely helping me come to the realization that it is okay to be myself.

Growing up, I've always heard that said...but here, at this point in my life....being 21 years old, I FINALLY understand what that means. The past two months I've struggled with feeling like I'm not "good enough". Most of the interns here came to the Honor Academy right out of high school...and although I'm only 21, I was feeling so beat down by the fact that I've made mistake after mistake after mistake, before finally walking down the path that God had intended. In a way, I've been feeling condemned. I've been believing the lie that I'm too broken or dirty to be used by God...that I'm worthless. I've been comparing my life with others' lives...and it has killed me spiritually.

Thankfully, God is a loving God...and a persistent one. He continues to pursue me and speak truth over my life when I am so blinded by the enemy; when the demons screaming lies into my life drown out the gentle voice of my Saviour whispering words of love and affirmation.

You see, its not about being the best "Christian". Sometimes, I think the church today is so set on religion instead of relationship, and because that's all we've been taught...when it comes to the relationship part, we are still in "religion mode". This makes it hard for us to receive God's love because we still feel we have to earn it. The beauty of it all is that God loves us no matter what; He doesn't just love us, He is head-over-heels for us! He would do ANYTHING it takes to win our heart if we could just open up our eyes and hearts, acknowledging that he is there!

Just realizing that one thing - allowing God's love to become REAL to me, has changed my view on everything. I might not be the best worship leader right now; I might hit the wrong note or play the wrong chord. I might not be the wisest woman alive or feel like I am ready to lead a group of young women through their struggles; and somehow that is okay. The Lord wants me just how I am...broken and bruised. I HAVE been through a lot...and before I can lead others through their circumstances and trials, I have to acknowledge that I am feeling just like they are and allow God to lead ME through.

Someone in Norway told me that they feel the next two years of my life are going to bring about significant healing...which brought comfort in so many ways. I can't just live like my past never happened because it has brought me to where I am today and going through the healing process definitely plays a huge part in where the Lord is calling me (young women's ministry). Just to know that I don't have to get from point A to Z in this one year internship brings a lot of relief in different areas of my life. I can be free to be myself and I don't have to feel defeated when I see other people ministering to others in ways that I am not able to yet. There are always going to be people that God will allow me to minister to in ways that I don't necessarily expect...and that's the cool part; that He can still use me in the midst of my brokenness! :) I am resting safely in His arms, soaking in His love....allowing it to become real to me and healing my heart in ways that I never thought it could be touched again. The crazy thing is, there is SO much more that I will come to realize as I walk with Him daily. There has already been so much healing but this is just the beginning.

THIS is where the healing begins!

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear


So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Be Not Afraid!

Throughout the Norway trip, the Lord revealed Himself to me in so many ways that I've never experienced before. The team went to Norway to "break chains" and bring freedom not just in worship, but in every area of their lives. It is definitely safe to say that chains were not only broken off of THEM, but in my life as well.

Growing up, I always considered myself a shy girl. I have now come to the realization that I have been believing a lie. Yes, I am normally a quiet person...BUT...there is a difference between being gentle-spirited and being SHY. Being shy is something I have started considering as a stronghold in my life. I know that the Lord has big plans for me; it has been confirmed numerous times through prayer, circumstances, AND other people...but if I put God in a box, telling Him that He can only do so much in my life because I'm not willing to take that step of boldness; because I'm AFRAID...how can I ever expect to grow?

2 Timothy 1:7 - "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity; but of power, of love, and of self-discipline."

Forgiveness is a Choice!

One of the things that the Lord has been really working in me on is the forgiveness issue. Growing up, I never had a good relationship with Dad; which now I realize is the root of a lot of my relationship problems. I hold things against certain people that they most likely don't even know hurt me. I expect too much of people; I hold them up to this 'perfect standard' when, really, I can't even live up to that myself!

I always feel defeated when the past comes up and I can't let it go from my memory. The truth is, the past will always be there. You can't live like it never happened; it has made you who you are...but forgiveness is a choice. You can choose to let your past circumstances tbeat you to the ground and make you an angry, bitter, lonely person; or you can stand back up when they knock you down, choose to be the bigger person, and stop the negative thoughts before they can take hold of you...which, in the end, brings so much more freedom than you will ever be able to comprehend!

Pictures!!!

This is strictly a picture post. I apologize for not keeping this updated...with 12 classes plus a ministry placement, there really isn't any free time. ;) Video blog coming soon!

New Beginnings :)

This is a year of new beginnings for me...I'm so excited! God is going to do great things!

SCHOOL OF WORSHIP PROMO 2010-2011

I've been placed on the Sacramento, CA. Acquire the Fire event!!! I will be calling and registering/inviting churches to the event and then in April I will get to travel and attend that event! We just started calling this past Tuesday and I must say...its scary at first, but so much fun! Our team is made up of all the Cali events, which consists of Elliott, Miranda, Tyler, PJ, Danae, Rhett, Zach, David, Rianna, & our manager, Anthony. We have THE best team, hands down. They are a lot of fun...Anthony is a cool manager. We start off the day by meeting at his desk to share what God is doing and spend time in prayer. Then we break out and go to our desks, meeting again halfway through the day and then again after work....and we get to watch funny videos on youtube...and from what we are told, we'll have theme days. :) This year is going to be so much fun!

ESOAL is coming up.....and I am OOBER excited!!! It will start September 15th and end approximately three to four days later. They never give an ending time, but the idea is t0 push you emotionally, physically, and spiritually...and to get you to work as a team (which will be made up of your brother core and sister core).

Emotionally

Stretching

Opportunity of

A

Lifetime

ESOAL TRAILER

Speaking of, we got to meet our brother core on Friday night...They are so much fun! Rachel (our Core Advisor), blindfolded us and had us make a train as she took us around the entire campus. (The guys had to go through the same thing with their CA, Cullen) While we were still blindfolded, Cullen spoke to the women some words of wisdom. He asked us not to go to the guys when he were upset or distressed about something...we were to go to one of our sisters in order to protect the men's hearts. He also said that guys have in their minds, the idea that all women gossip and talk bad about them behind their backs..he asked us to prove that wrong this year. Finally, he told us that the best way to encourage our brothers this year, was to lift them up in prayer. Then he took us to the gazebo and after a few minutes of waiting, Rachel brought our brothers. After we were all seated, (still blindfolded) we all shared our most embarrasing moments! Then we took off our blindfolds and officially met. Afterwards we went to Sonic for some more fellowship. Saturday we had family core dish duty and we all decided to dress up like Ninjas! I'll upload pictures eventually. :)

Its definitely been a whole new experience when its comes to the guys here. Dave Hasz, a couple nights after we arrived, went over the rules. Of course the one of which requires us not to date this year. His words were, "Girls, if a guy approaches you and tells you that he has feelings for you....you say "get away you, creep...I'm your sister (in Christ)"...and then you run away as fast as you can." (of course for guys, it would be likewise) I've never really thought about things like that....buts so true. Its not uncomfortable here at all. Being a woman in our world today, you get stared at all the time by guys...its a natural thing. But here, its not an issue. We have dress code and a huge part of the women's is modesty. The guidelines may seem a tad extreme at first (there are even things I would wear that aren't okay here), but now I understand why they make those rules. It helps the men respect you more by not even giving them something to see that would encourage negative thoughts. They also serve you here. They offer to carry things for you, take your dishes, hold doors for you, offer to help you down the stairs safely...its SO different from the "outside" world. I'm not sure if I want to ever leave...when men and women start viewing each other as God intended and healthy relationships with the opposite sex start forming...its a beautiful thing! =p

It is definitely going to be an amazing year! :) I DO miss you all...and I would LOVE to hear from you guys...even though I'm forming some incredible friendships, I haven't forgotten you. Haha.

For Mail:

Casee Ossmann

PO Box 2010 #377

Garden Valley, TX. 75771-2010

For Packages:

Casee Ossmann

22392 FM 16 W.

Garden Valley, TX. 75771

Also, if you would like to help me financially, words could not express how grateful I would be!!!

My TM ID is #2606074.

Just go to www.honoracademy.com/donate

(or you could send a check to me if you'd prefer...I can make sure it goes directly into my account.)

I want to leave you all with my new favorite song. Its definitely my theme song for this year....enjoy!

NEWSBOYS - BORN AGAIN

I found myself looking into the mirrior
Knew I wasnt who I wanted to be
I was living like the way that I wanted
But my eyes reminded me I'm not free.
Beleived that I saw everything that I know
Says I got to go, tired of going solo
But I'm never gonna go there again.

This is what it is
This is who I am
This is where I finally take my stand
I didnt want to fall
But I don't have to crawl
I met the One with two scarred hands
Giving him the best of everything thats left of
The life inside this man
I've been Born Again

I see you walking like your living in fear
Having trouble even looking at me
Wishin they would give you more than words
Sick of people telling how it should be (how it should be)
What's your download, where'd you get your info, you saw that I'm show now your in the inload
Gonna tell you what I believe

This is what it is
This is who I am
This is where I finally take my stand
I didnt want to fall
But I don't have to crawl
I met the One with two scarred hands
Giving him the best of everything thats left of
The life inside this man
I've been Born Again

We are the ones they call by name
(I'm never gonna look back)
Let go let go the guilt the shame
(Said I'm never gonna look back)
This is who I am

This is what it is
This is who I am
This is where I finally take my stand
I didnt want to fall
But I don't have to crawl
I met the One with two scarred hands
Giving him the best of everything thats left of
The life inside this man
I've been Born Again

Love,

Casee

NOW....my heart is truly overwhelmed!

I wanted to take a few minutes and share what God is doing here in my life at The Honor Academy.

I have auditioned and been accepted into the School Of Worship! Which is a compelete miracle...because of the fact I had completely given up when it came to that part of my life. Yes, I sing at Hamilton Life Church and I play two instruments, but I had planned on it just being something that I did because I thrououghly enjoyed it...it was more of a hobby. Randy Olsson (one of the leaders here at HA) was speaking about our past experiences and how sometimes we let them define our future, which is totally what I had done. Last weekend, God awakened a passion inside me that I can't even put into words. They called for last minute audition sign ups and I knew I had to go.

I was SO nervous! I knew how to play piano, guitar....and sing. But when it came to music theory, because when I was in Florida, I'd given it up...I did horrible! I thought I was out for sure! They posted the audition results that night in the cafeteria...and much to my suprise, I was IN!!! =D I am called to worship, but I also have a passion for kids....so I have no idea what the Lord is preparing me for! For now, I will be focusing on becoming a leader of worship. I cannot tell you how happy this makes my heart! It makes me want to cry every time I think about the opportunities that God is putting before me.

We have officially moved into our rooms (the ones we were in for Gauntlet week were temporary).

We also had our commitment banquet Friday night and I was sworn into the School of Worship. Again...I cannot describe the joy this brings to my heart!! =D

Saturday we had sessions and found out who our core groups were for the entire year.

Core Group = A group of 10-12 girls you meet with every couple of days and pray, encourage each other, and keep one another accountable in your walks.

Sunday we tried a church out as a core (they allow us to go off campus and get involved in a home church on Sundays). It wasn't horrible...it just wasn't MY church and I got a little emotional and homesick. In the afternoon, we had CORE day. We spent the entire day with our cores. We went out to lunch after church to Chili's...and then came back for a picture scavenger hunt ALL over campus....BUT there was one catch. We had to put on our craziest, most modest outfit....and they didn't tell us what we were doing until AFTER we had changed. Each of us had like 5 layers on. It was SOOOO hot...but I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my entire life! =)

After the hunt, Rachel and Michelle (our core leaders) took us to an AMAZING place on the lake. Its a place called YWAM (Youth With A Mission)...its a small campus with an internship like ours. They have a "chapel" with glass windows overlooking the lake. It was GORGEOUS. I led the group in a couple worship songs (first time!!). :) We had our quiet time, then went to Dairy Queen and they took us to yet another peaceful place. We sat on our blankets as the two leaders shared their testimonies ( and I must say they were POWERFUL!).

Monday (yesterday) we found out our ministry placements. Yay! I am in the Acquire the Fire call center....which means I will be calling youth pastors and pastors to inform and invite to the events. I will be placed on a city and I will call for that general area. The cool part is, its OUR job to get these teens to the events....which plays a huge part in them! I can't wait! The city I will be calling for, I will also get to go to the event and see the people that I helped get to the event, which is going to be AWESOME!

We have training all this week and classes start Thursday so I am excited about that as well!

Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to read the updates, it means a lot!

School of Worship is going to be an extra $1,800.00, so if you would be interested in helping me out:

You can call 1-800-863-6306. My TM ID is #2606074. Make sure you let them know! :)

Thanks again!!

Gauntlet Week!

Adrianna & I!

Carey Hall

Yay! :)

Polka Dots!! =D

Closet Space

Wow! I can't believe I'm in TEXAS! That still completely blows my mind. :) I got to sneak out of my dorm for a bit (corporate exercise was cancelled tomorrow morning) so I'm able to give you all a quick update.

This weekend has been such a time of healing for me. God has awakened passions and dreams that I NEVER thought I would ever even think about again. For about the past four years...and having gone through an abusive relationship, I kind of put my passion for music on the back burner....but then forgot about it completely. At the beginning of the year, I started singing again with the Hamilton Life Church Worship Band (& it has been SUCH a blessing!) and started picking guitar back up over the summer. Even then I really didn't think about pursuing it though, as I kept thinking that I wasn't good enough. Over this weekend, God has totally opened my eyes to the fact, that I HAVE been blessed with a gift, and that I need to share it. The quote from Erma Bombeck comes to mind:

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".

Is this how I have been living my life?? I have somehow come to the conclusion that just because I can't lead worship like Matt Redman or some Hillsong group, that I am not "good enough". But God is completely changing how I view that. He has placed in my heart a passion for music and just because it gets hard or people don't respond the way I want them to....it doesn't mean I should quit! He has gifted me with a voice & the talents for playing guitar and piano...but that was always hard for me to admit. It almost felt that it I were to admit that, it would be as if I were saying "look at me, I'm gifted....or "I'm better than you." But its not (unless of course, I were to boast ALL the time). Then you might want to knock me upside the head and let me know I'm out of place. =p Haha j/k, j/k! And so what if I'm not the best at whatever instrument....that's why you give your 200% and practice! ;) Everyone has to start somewhere!

Sooooo, they called for last minute sign ups to audition for the School of Worship. The School of Worship is a track here at the Honor Academy...it includes a full year of lessons for an instrument of your choice, classes like song writing, music theory, worship perspectives, & worship leadership.

My audition was this morning at 11:15....and I made it into the program!! =D God is SO good...like, I cannot even begin to describe how overwhelmed my heart is at this moment...just when I thought that it couldn't get any better...God totally stepped in and has awakened my passion for music...for worship. I'm so humbled when I look back at where I was less than a year ago. Living with my boyfriend in an abusive situation...totally living a life of sin. God somehow saw good in me and turned everything around. I do not deserve the love that He just continually is pouring out on me in this season of my life, and it just brings me to my knees every single time I think about it. If there was one thing I would want people to know is that it is NEVER too late for God to step in and turn things around. He LOVES you...and you are His child. He only wants the BEST for your life.

Anyways...The School of Worship is an extra $1800 a year. It seems like such a huge amount to have to raise considering I don't have a job...but I've been making my way through the Gospels...and if the same miracle worker in the bible could feed five thousand with five loaves and two fish....heal the blind...turn water into wine...heal the lepers...and calm the raging sea...and he is the same yesterday, today, and FOREVER...then who am I to doubt that he will pull through for His child? Whom he wants the best for. I KNOW I can't do this...but God will make it happen. He somehow, someway....brought me to Garden Valley....to Honor Academy...and provided an opportunity I never thought I would ever have again...and audition for the School of Worship. I KNOW that this is where I am supposed to be. I know because I have a passion burning inside me that I can't explain. Its like a fire....and I am literally overjoyed!!!

I love and miss you guys!

Thanks for all the pictures and scriptures...its been extremely encouraging! =D

Love,

Casee

P.S. Be in prayer...we have our first exam tomorrow as well as our commitment banquet and then we will be told our ministry placements.