Lord, give me strength!

I am drained.

Mentally.

Spiritually.

Physically.

I feel like I'm going crazy.

I need a break.

Period.

"Into Your Hands, I Commit My Spirit..."

"As Graduate Interns we have responded to the call to aggressively and passionately pursue our own self-development and that of each individual within our sphere of influence.

It is our responsibility to clearly mark the path enabling others to follow as we follow the example of Christ. We are perfectly united in mind and though, standing in one spirit, contending as one man, proclaiming Christ as one voice to this generation. Our leadership is based on a selfless sense of duty that demands that we surpass what is expected of ourselves and of those whom we serve. We were designed for accomplishment, intended for success and endowed with seeds of greatness. We are not limited by the place of birth, color of our skin, but the size of our hope and faith in God. We now live by His presence, we lean on His faith, we love by patience, we lift by prayer and labor by power.

Challenges ahead will frequently bring pain, but pain is temporary while growth is permanent. We believe that those challenges will form the strongest moral foundation that will produce the leaders who best reflect the legacy of the Honor Academy. This is our conviction and true commitment to ourselves and to God from which WE WILL NOT BACK DOWN."

The Honor Academy's Graduate Intern program definitely has many options to choose from....but which one (if any at all) is a perfect fit for ME??

It is now that time of year in the internship that every single one of us has either been dreading or waiting for in anticipation with hopes that God will soon reveal to us what His plans are for the next steps in our lives.

At the beginning of the year I was so set on staying a second year in The School of Worship...and then after that, moving on to yet my THIRD and final year at TeenMania.

Yep, I had it all planned out.

Until...the Lord started revealing to me that, despite what I'd convinced myself of my entire life...I DO have something to offer in one on one ministry. When I was younger (before my crazy side came out), I had always dreamed of working with teenage girls; crazy, I know...because I was like 10! BUT with everything I've been through and dealt with both in my teenage years and rebellious years; I've learned A LOT. Granted...the Lord is DEFINITELY not through with me yet, but He is bringing a lot of healing and restoration which I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this was all to prepare and equip me for my future.

Some may argue that such a good and loving God would NEVER make His children go through the things I've had to deal with; which is TRUE. BUT I know that while He doesn't CAUSE bad things to happen to us, our choices do...and He allows us to experience the results of our actions because He loves us and He knows it will bring us closer to Him in the end.

‎"I will make a wholehearted effort to show the love and mercy of Christ by loving & serving unconditionally and I will seek out younger women to mentor in faith & integrity while helping them discover their beauty, potential, & value in their heavenly prince, Jesus."

-My Mission Statement

With all of this being said, the Lord has asked me to lay down music for the next season of my life (don't worry, I'm still going to develop my talents)...and He's been asking this of me since the beginning of January. I'll admit, The School of Worship program has been an AMAZING opportunity...and its not an easy thing He is asking of me. ESPECIALLY, considering I'm just getting back into music after giving it up for two years. I have the opportunity to write music, play in prayer room bands, and record demos...and I realize its not everyday that you are given an opportunity like that! But could it be that I've put WAY too much emphasis on the talents the Lord has given me and taken all the credit for myself...leaving Him completely out of the picture?? Its been about what "I can sing"...or "I can play"...and yet I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for Him. I'm beginning to realize I've had pride that I didn't even know was there; oh what a beautiful thing to be sweetly broken at the foot of the cross.

The real reason He wants me to lay it down is because He has made it VERY clear that He wants me to focus on being a servant. Now what that consists of? I'm not quite sure to be honest with you.

I was accepted down School of Worship & Ministry Team roads.

School of Worship will have to wait; if I don't have the Lord's blessing, why do it? It would be all out of selfish ambitions.

I'm still praying about Ministry Team roads for sure though. I recently went home (sort of) to Nashville, TN. on SWAT for the Acquire the Fire event that took place. Just knowing that it was this same girl who sat in section C4 completely broken and afraid...and seeing how far the Lord has brought me in less than a year; was definitely overwhelming! What was even more humbling is the fact that I was able to watch the Ministry Team lay themselves and their personal wants and desires down to SERVE and make sure that everything was ready to go and put together for the ministry that they were about to go into for this broken generation. Just knowing how much work went into that one weekend (and it was A LOT!!) just so they could share the love of Christ with teenagers, parents, and youth pastors who were hurting completely brought me to my knees by the end of the event.

I now realize that if it weren't for those who selflessly labored and slaved for that weekend last year, I would not even be here...and I cannot even begin to describe the intense gratefulness that I have for each and every one of them. All I know is that if this is what the Lord is calling me to, I will gladly go. It doesn't matter if I am in the drama...and heck! I don't even care if I lead worship...I just want to touch someone's life in the same way that this ministry has touched mine; even if it is behind the scenes and they never know how much work goes into these weekend events.

So please be praying for me. The Lord has opened the door for roads...and so I will give it my 200% percent...but pray that the Lord's will be done. If He wants me home, then pray He will close the door and that peace will be upon me; the kind that only comes from knowing He is in control.

-Casee