The Parable Of The Lost Sheep & Her Java Chip Frappuccino

On top of working 50 hour work weeks and preparing for this fall, my mind has not been able shut down at night, leaving me to think about the events of the past year. Life has been absolutely insane but, in particular, since September.

Beginning of September, I was still living with my boyfriend. Completely living outside of the will of God...and I knew it. I turned my back on EVERYTHING I had ever believed in or been taught (having grown up in the church)...only to be accepted into The Honor Academy not even 7 months later. Having left that part of my life behind, I'm still in awe of the fact that God has chosen to give me a second chance, but lately...doubt has crept into the back of my mind - and the devil definitely knows how to use that to his advantage.
Honor Academy is year-long internship to focus on your relationship with Christ, but even more than that, to develop LEADERSHIP skills to ADVANCE the kingdom of God.

LEADERSHIP: That's what has hit me so hard. Just the thought of even touching on the surface of becoming a "leader" with a ten and a half foot pole...TERRIFIES me. When I think of all the people that I am going to be serving this next year (and hopefully the rest of my life) in the name of our Lord, I can't help but think of how unworthy I am to have been given such an opportunity. I can't help but wonder, "If they only knew the things I have done - the sins I've committed against you, Lord...they would shun me. Would they even look up to me as a "leader?" " If people only knew how, half a year ago, I was so deliberately disobeying you...would they still want to accept and support me in going to Honor Academy? There are SO many other people that applied to this internship...people who have only dreamed about an opportunity like this their entire life. WHY did you save me from an abusive relationship WHEN I DENIED YOU and WHY WAS I CHOSEN??

Tonight, over a java chip frappuccino (Mmmmmm!)...my emotions finally got the best of me and I let my thoughts flow freely through the phone to an old friend in Florida. It was as if I felt the need to start confessing every single sin and explain why I didn't deserve this internship...AND notify him of how horrible of a person I had been.
Poor Steve, he's been there with me through everything...but tonight, I thought for sure, I'd cried one tear too many for even the most loyal of friends to handle. Yet this was his response: "Casee, it doesn't matter what you have done; go back and read the parable of the Prodigal Son again. God LOVES you."

Luke 15:11-27

11Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. 12The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.
13"Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' 20So he got up and went to his father.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.[b]'

22"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. 24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

25"Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'


WOW. This guy had totally turned his back on his entire life (his family, his friends) and everything he had known because he thought the grass was greener on the other side...just like I did. Wild living was okay for a while...but it says in 14 -"After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need."
It amazes me how much I can relate to this verse after going back and reading it again. "after he had spent everything, he began to be in need." It was I, 7 months ago, who had spent everything...emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually, chasing after something SO TEMPORARY. I didn't realize how desperately I was in NEED, until I was literally on the floor weeping (I had gotten into an argument with my boyfriend and he had pushed me to the ground.). Even then, I thought I was a goner until I heard the voice of God, which brings me to another parable.

Reading back a little bit to the beginning of Luke Chapter 15 I read the parable of the lost sheep once again:

3Then Jesus told them this parable: 4"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' 7I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

Again, WOW. I've read this parable probably a hundred times before...but this time it struck me hard. Tears filled my eyes - would God REALLY leave 99 other believers who devoutly followed after him to find ME in the midst of MY pain and brokenness when I had no idea he could even use me again? The answer is yes, HE DID. The voice I had heard in my head that night, was none other than God's when he said, "You don't deserve this. You are my beautiful child and you deserve nothing less than my perfect plan for your life."

HE chose to save me from a dangerous situation and lead me back to Chattanooga to discover HA. Why?? Because HE LOVES ME.

"Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, "Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep!" - HOW AMAZING HIS LOVE IS FOR US...IT HAS NO END!!! No matter how far we think we have gone off the deep end...HE IS ALWAYS RIGHT THERE with open arms...just like the father in the parable of the prodigal son. :) How awesome is it to hear that?!?!

So now am I "ready" to be a "leader"? Do I "deserve" to be given that title? Noooo & NO! But I have come to the humbling realization that its not about ME. I didn't save myself from an abusive relationship and careless living. I didn't call myself to HA. I didn't give myself a second chance...psh. Puh-LEASEEE! I hardly knew what grace truly was (and is) until recently. GOD DID ALL OF THAT. Every single bit! So while I may not exactly be comfortable with the term "leader"...I AM ready to be totally and completely open about what GOD has done in my life, how HE has changed me. And I can only hope that through the way I live my life from this moment on, people can catch even a glimpse of how much they are loved and a little bit of what grace truly feels like...cause just a little bit is all it takes.

MATCHING SCHOLARSHIP WEEK!!!

June 14-18, 2010! Anything donated in under my name will be doubled!

Enrollment - Congratulations! from Honor Academy on Vimeo.

I had no idea that God was calling me to Texas until recently and, unfortunately, nothing in this earthly world is free. Though I have been working doubles lately, trying to save money, I can only do so much. :(

The cost for this upcoming year is roughly about $10,000.00. This will include food, dorms, tuition, & the expense of the missions trip next summer that is required to graduate. Due to the intensity of the program, I will not be permitted to have a job the entire time that I am there. In these tough economic times, I know it may seem like a lot, but if it is God's will that I got accepted, then I will have faith that He will provide. If you would be interested in sponsoring me for this year or even donating a one-time gift, it would be greatly appreciated!

For more information on HA (or to make a donation), visit www.honoracademy.com,

or call 1-800-863-6306. Donations can be made directly to Honor Academy. Please make checks payable to Teen Mania.

Honor Academy

PO Box 2000

Garden Valley, TX 75771

USA

Name: Casee Ossmann

ID: 2606074.

You are greatly appreciated,

Casee

1 Timothy 4:12 "And don't let anyone put you down because you're young. Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity."

"You Just Put One Foot In Front Of The Other..."

Emotional roller coaster? My life has been nothing less than that over the past two years. Through it all though, it never ceases to amaze me how great the love of our God really, truly is. No matter what point we are at in our lives or how stained and shattered we think our hearts are, nothing is impossible for God to overcome...not even the sinful nature of us human beings. Let me share a few things with you and then maybe you'll get my gist;

In December 2007, I started dating a previous friend in Florida. I had known this guy for five years prior and when I went down to visit, we expressed feelings for each other. We decided to pursue a long distance relationship (which was extremely difficult). Being 18 at the time, I had never been kissed and planned on saving my first one, along with the rest of my body, for my husband on our wedding day. All of those hopes fell to nothing very quickly as I became more and more infatuated. My morals and everything I had believed in were shoved aside in hopes of finding 'love'...and it worked, for a while. Then more was wanted in order to keep this "love" alive and in August of 2008, I moved down to Florida to be with this man, convincing myself that along with this move, I had plans of starting college and pursuing a career of childcare. My parents (needless to say) were heartbroken along with several friends and my church family. I had totally changed and turned my back on God...the old Casee was nowhere to be found; but it didn't matter. I had found "love" in someones arms...and it was something I didn't want to lose.

Things seemed to be going well aside from the fact that I missed who I used to be & I was rarely ever happy...but all of that had to be okay, for what was I going to do? Ask for forgiveness and come back home?? YEAH RIGHT. =p I "felt" loved yet it was not enough and I wanted to go back to church, I wanted to be involved in ministry, I missed the loving arms of Christ. I missed my family. In March of 2009, my life had taken a turn for the worst and, so quickly, I had no idea what I had really walked into. I started dealing with abuse; first emotional and verbal, then the physical. I thought "everyone has their rough days, maybe I just have to deal with it"... & "he's only human". And besides I had already given everything, so this was the man I had to spend the rest of my life with. But then I caught myself doing things just to get even....& I hated that. Yet I honestly thought that this was going to be the life I was stuck with...that I would be with this one person for the rest of my life and just getting by was all that there was to it. College became just a dream...that I had given up on. I had already wasted almost two years of my life...why start now? It was too late.

And that's how I lived for months and months...just getting by...thinking I could never be used again; that I was broken...a failure...wasted. Then God spoke directly to me (I will NEVER forget this night...ever!). I had just finished arguing with my boyfriend (no names will be mentioned)- I had been pushed into the wall and landed on the floor. As I looked up at him, he said, "don't look at me, you deserved it.". I sat there, astonished that someone could be so heartless and cold towards someone they "loved". My heart sank into my stomach and the silence was deafening..you could have heard a pin drop. I would never wish those words on anybody...hearing those words was quite possibly the worst feeling in the world. But in the chaos of it all and in my brokenness, I will never forget the voice I heard at that moment...and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to explain how it was even possible; "No, you don't. You are my beautiful child and YOU DESERVE NOTHING LESS THAN MY PERFECT PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE." I laid on the couch that night, not getting any sleep...and as those words kept ringing over and over again in my ears, I somehow managed to find the strength to move all of my stuff out of his house the next morning while he was at work.

Over the next couple months my life appeared to be coming back together, slowly, piece by piece. I became involved in church, had friends again, and things seemed to be looking up. I started praying about where God wanted me to go at this point and felt led to move back to Chattanooga with my family. This was a hard decision for (1) I had not had a good relationship with my Dad in the past (so moving back home was, to me, a CRAZY idea) and (2) I LOVED my job. I was the 12-18 month teacher at a local preschool and had become quite attached to my babies. :)

But...I moved back to Chattanooga (12/09) and started attending HLC again. I had taken the first step, but now I was completely lost as to what to do...so I kept praying about it; All I kept hearing was, "I have something store for you...something big. It is going to change your life, but I need your full attention on me.". Before I moved back I had started dating a wonderful guy and God had made it very clear that in order for him to work in my life at this time, I needed to be single. I tried to ignore the decision he was asking me to make...what can I say? I had fallen very hard and very fast for this man.

Anyways, I attended Acquire The Fire with the youth group and it was that weekend that God gave me just a glimpse of how much my life was going to be changed. Like I said, I had been praying about the direction in which God was leading me...so they called all the high school sophomores, seniors, and college students into a group away from one of the main sessions and presented Honor Academy to us. As it was being talked about and through the interns message about leadership, a peace came over me...it was a bold kind of peace; which I had never experienced before. I somehow knew that this was where God was calling me so I filled out an application and went for the interview that weekend.

I came home from ATF and told the boyfriend what I had done that weekend and he was cool with it...until he found out that during my year at HA, I would not be allowed to pursue any kind of romantic relationship with a guy. Things were a little shaky for the next few days, but he knew that I wanted to follow God's calling so he finally decided to make a decision to wait for me. IF I got accepted into the internship we would date for the summer, take a year long break and then when I came back from HA, we would continue to pursue a deeper relationship. Everything was going great, I was happy, and there was no stopping the love between us!
About a month rolled by and I heard nothing; but still...the voice of God kept telling me that there was something bigger that I was meant for. I was so confused; I thought for sure that HA was where God had called me but started having doubts. He also kept telling me to break it off with my boyfriend; that I had to be single...though I didn't want to unless I was accepted. I was getting a little frustrated (and emotional too), so I decided to stay home from church one Sunday. I remember praying that morning; "God, if this is really where you want me, PLEASE send me a sign or break it off with this man. I REALLY like this guy and there is no possible way that I can do this with my own strength." That night, I received some texts warning me that my boyfriend had been seen with another girl...He hadn't answered hardly any texts of mine that day, but assured me that nothing was going on. I believed him and let it go. The next day I received my acceptance letter from Honor Academy and, man, was it bittersweet! :) A week and a half later, I broke up with my boyfriend, due to confirmation that things WERE happening. And call me crazy...but I DO believe that was God's way of helping me break it off. Both prayers were answered within 24 hours...it was evident that HA was were I was supposed to be.

"One Year" from Honor Academy on Vimeo.

So, now, here I am...ready to go to Texas in two months. I NEVER thought, looking back at a year ago, that I would ever be given an opportunity such as this. God is a loving God and I am SO grateful that I have been given a second chance! I have no clue where God is going to take me this next year, physically or spiritually, but it has been so exhilarating letting God lead me. Walking by faith is a scary things sometimes (especially for someone like me; I ALWAYS like to know whats going on in advance!), but its definitely something I could get used to!!