♥Major Happenings at The End of 2011♥
♥ The Lord lead me in a different direction than I thought I would go, which led to...
♥ Confirmation of full-time ministry and the meeting of my man & gift from God, Nathan.
♥ I accepted a full-time lead teacher position and now teach older two year-olds (& I LOVE it!)
♥ I returned to Norway to minister through worship evangelism with The School of Worship & received more confirmation about full-time ministry.
♥ Returned home to spend the holidays with my crazy, but beautiful family...and now?
♥ I'm right where I'm supposed to be...in a season of WAITING.
In one of the last blogs I'd written...the Lord had brought me to a place where I was completely satisfied with Him and only Him. It didn't matter what life was going to throw my way...I was ready.
Until...
The Lord started stirring things up in my heart that I had tucked away...things I thought that I had already dealt with. Unfortunately, something that's always been natural for me to do when conflict arises...is RUN. I HATE confrontation...so if I pretend I can't see it or ignore it completely, then I don't have to deal with it...and that's perfectly fine with me.
Or is it?
Is letting my heart grow cold to certain people or things really the best way to handle it? I thought so. Until God started revealing to me (A LOT lately), just how damaging this can be; not only to my mind and the way I view things, but to the people I love and our relationships as well.
So what about healing? Why can't God just instantly take the memories away? Why can't He just take everything I'm feeling away? The hurt, the anger, the bitterness? I've prayed for this...I WANT healing. I'm standing here with open arms, ready to receive. Some days I feel like I'm making progress...like I'm taking a giant step forward. Then other days I feel that I've completely stopped walking...or I've fallen three steps back. So what's the issue?
"God, please...just make it all go away."
"God, why does this still hurt me so badly?"
"Casee...beloved. Healing is a process."
"But Lord, I thought I'd already gone through the healing process."
"Who says the healing process was only supposed to take a year? Casee...you are right where you're supposed to be...even when you don't feel like you are."
So here I am; In a huge season of waiting on God's next step for me...and within this process? Healing. It's not been the most exciting season to walk through or experience...and it has definitely brought out some pretty ugly stuff usually followed by hours upon hours of tears.
But...This life is not about me. God has a divine purpose and plan to use what I've been through, so I will keep surrendering this to Him and let Him reveal what it is that I need to learn, what He has for me...AND the future ministry that will happen in young women's lives; one day...when this is over. :)
