NOW....my heart is truly overwhelmed!

I wanted to take a few minutes and share what God is doing here in my life at The Honor Academy.

I have auditioned and been accepted into the School Of Worship! Which is a compelete miracle...because of the fact I had completely given up when it came to that part of my life. Yes, I sing at Hamilton Life Church and I play two instruments, but I had planned on it just being something that I did because I thrououghly enjoyed it...it was more of a hobby. Randy Olsson (one of the leaders here at HA) was speaking about our past experiences and how sometimes we let them define our future, which is totally what I had done. Last weekend, God awakened a passion inside me that I can't even put into words. They called for last minute audition sign ups and I knew I had to go.

I was SO nervous! I knew how to play piano, guitar....and sing. But when it came to music theory, because when I was in Florida, I'd given it up...I did horrible! I thought I was out for sure! They posted the audition results that night in the cafeteria...and much to my suprise, I was IN!!! =D I am called to worship, but I also have a passion for kids....so I have no idea what the Lord is preparing me for! For now, I will be focusing on becoming a leader of worship. I cannot tell you how happy this makes my heart! It makes me want to cry every time I think about the opportunities that God is putting before me.

We have officially moved into our rooms (the ones we were in for Gauntlet week were temporary).

We also had our commitment banquet Friday night and I was sworn into the School of Worship. Again...I cannot describe the joy this brings to my heart!! =D

Saturday we had sessions and found out who our core groups were for the entire year.

Core Group = A group of 10-12 girls you meet with every couple of days and pray, encourage each other, and keep one another accountable in your walks.

Sunday we tried a church out as a core (they allow us to go off campus and get involved in a home church on Sundays). It wasn't horrible...it just wasn't MY church and I got a little emotional and homesick. In the afternoon, we had CORE day. We spent the entire day with our cores. We went out to lunch after church to Chili's...and then came back for a picture scavenger hunt ALL over campus....BUT there was one catch. We had to put on our craziest, most modest outfit....and they didn't tell us what we were doing until AFTER we had changed. Each of us had like 5 layers on. It was SOOOO hot...but I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my entire life! =)

After the hunt, Rachel and Michelle (our core leaders) took us to an AMAZING place on the lake. Its a place called YWAM (Youth With A Mission)...its a small campus with an internship like ours. They have a "chapel" with glass windows overlooking the lake. It was GORGEOUS. I led the group in a couple worship songs (first time!!). :) We had our quiet time, then went to Dairy Queen and they took us to yet another peaceful place. We sat on our blankets as the two leaders shared their testimonies ( and I must say they were POWERFUL!).

Monday (yesterday) we found out our ministry placements. Yay! I am in the Acquire the Fire call center....which means I will be calling youth pastors and pastors to inform and invite to the events. I will be placed on a city and I will call for that general area. The cool part is, its OUR job to get these teens to the events....which plays a huge part in them! I can't wait! The city I will be calling for, I will also get to go to the event and see the people that I helped get to the event, which is going to be AWESOME!

We have training all this week and classes start Thursday so I am excited about that as well!

Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to read the updates, it means a lot!

School of Worship is going to be an extra $1,800.00, so if you would be interested in helping me out:

You can call 1-800-863-6306. My TM ID is #2606074. Make sure you let them know! :)

Thanks again!!

Gauntlet Week!

Adrianna & I!

Carey Hall

Yay! :)

Polka Dots!! =D

Closet Space

Wow! I can't believe I'm in TEXAS! That still completely blows my mind. :) I got to sneak out of my dorm for a bit (corporate exercise was cancelled tomorrow morning) so I'm able to give you all a quick update.

This weekend has been such a time of healing for me. God has awakened passions and dreams that I NEVER thought I would ever even think about again. For about the past four years...and having gone through an abusive relationship, I kind of put my passion for music on the back burner....but then forgot about it completely. At the beginning of the year, I started singing again with the Hamilton Life Church Worship Band (& it has been SUCH a blessing!) and started picking guitar back up over the summer. Even then I really didn't think about pursuing it though, as I kept thinking that I wasn't good enough. Over this weekend, God has totally opened my eyes to the fact, that I HAVE been blessed with a gift, and that I need to share it. The quote from Erma Bombeck comes to mind:

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".

Is this how I have been living my life?? I have somehow come to the conclusion that just because I can't lead worship like Matt Redman or some Hillsong group, that I am not "good enough". But God is completely changing how I view that. He has placed in my heart a passion for music and just because it gets hard or people don't respond the way I want them to....it doesn't mean I should quit! He has gifted me with a voice & the talents for playing guitar and piano...but that was always hard for me to admit. It almost felt that it I were to admit that, it would be as if I were saying "look at me, I'm gifted....or "I'm better than you." But its not (unless of course, I were to boast ALL the time). Then you might want to knock me upside the head and let me know I'm out of place. =p Haha j/k, j/k! And so what if I'm not the best at whatever instrument....that's why you give your 200% and practice! ;) Everyone has to start somewhere!

Sooooo, they called for last minute sign ups to audition for the School of Worship. The School of Worship is a track here at the Honor Academy...it includes a full year of lessons for an instrument of your choice, classes like song writing, music theory, worship perspectives, & worship leadership.

My audition was this morning at 11:15....and I made it into the program!! =D God is SO good...like, I cannot even begin to describe how overwhelmed my heart is at this moment...just when I thought that it couldn't get any better...God totally stepped in and has awakened my passion for music...for worship. I'm so humbled when I look back at where I was less than a year ago. Living with my boyfriend in an abusive situation...totally living a life of sin. God somehow saw good in me and turned everything around. I do not deserve the love that He just continually is pouring out on me in this season of my life, and it just brings me to my knees every single time I think about it. If there was one thing I would want people to know is that it is NEVER too late for God to step in and turn things around. He LOVES you...and you are His child. He only wants the BEST for your life.

Anyways...The School of Worship is an extra $1800 a year. It seems like such a huge amount to have to raise considering I don't have a job...but I've been making my way through the Gospels...and if the same miracle worker in the bible could feed five thousand with five loaves and two fish....heal the blind...turn water into wine...heal the lepers...and calm the raging sea...and he is the same yesterday, today, and FOREVER...then who am I to doubt that he will pull through for His child? Whom he wants the best for. I KNOW I can't do this...but God will make it happen. He somehow, someway....brought me to Garden Valley....to Honor Academy...and provided an opportunity I never thought I would ever have again...and audition for the School of Worship. I KNOW that this is where I am supposed to be. I know because I have a passion burning inside me that I can't explain. Its like a fire....and I am literally overjoyed!!!

I love and miss you guys!

Thanks for all the pictures and scriptures...its been extremely encouraging! =D

Love,

Casee

P.S. Be in prayer...we have our first exam tomorrow as well as our commitment banquet and then we will be told our ministry placements.

Get ready....set.....GO!

Well....the moment I've been planning for all summer is finally here...I still can't believe it! Tomorrow morning, Mom and I will load up the rental car and be on our way to Garden Valley, Texas. This is the beginning of an amazing journey for me in more ways than one...and my heart is truly overwhelmed! I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store this upcoming year!

All the pictures I could fit in the frame! :)

BEFORE everything was packed.

AFTER my efforts to cram everything in! *I do have a mini-fridge and microwave that aren't in the picture...but still! =p -I'd say I did pretty well packing for 1 year, thank you. ;)

So considering I've spent the last week and a half sorting, packing, picking up last minute things, & packing some more...its safe to say that I am officially READY for Texas!

I will be trying to keep you all updated as much as possible, but not exactly sure what time I will have the first few weeks! I CAN'T WAIT!!

I've said it before, but thank you all for your love and support - it really does mean a lot to me!

-Crazii :)

Thank You...to BOTH my families. :)

I've been reflecting a lot this past week as I prepare for Honor Academy and I just wanted to take a few minutes and thank some people. I would not be where I am today without them!

Mom & Dad- Thank you for teaching me to stay strong through everything. Through the years, watching you guys and how you handle marriage & raising us kids...I've learned a lot. Thank you for always trusting God when things were tight or you didn't know what to do or why things were the way they were. Thank you for being there no matter what happened in my life...and thank you for letting me come back home when I deserted you. I love you!! I can only pray that my husband and I can be everything as parents that you have been to me!

Mommy- (Yes, I still call her that...) ;) You truly are my best friend and I don't know how I'm gonna survive this entire next year without having you right there with me! :( Thank you for always being there when I needed someone to talk to...and for always being strong enough to help point me in the right direction when I had gotten off-track. Thank you for being such an amazing mommy, wife, daughter, sister, and friend!...and for all of your yummy cooking even though it makes me fat!! (LOL) I hope I grow up to be just like you! ;) Love you!!

Hamilton Life Church - Damon & Kristi, Ryan & Brittany, Doug & Tina, Mike & Joleen, Elliott, & ALL my babies and kiddos (& a WHOLE bunch more people who I'm failing to mention because there are so many who have made a difference!) You have all touched my life in some way and I will never forget you! Looking back at where I was a year ago, I never thought that I would ever be accepted in the church or have an opportunity to serve in ministry again after I had so easily turned my back not only on God, but you guys as well. Words simply cannot express how much you have touched my life...in SO many ways! I've grown up in churches...but to experience the love that you guys have poured out on me through your prayers and support...it brings tears to my eyes every single time I think about it. Just to know that you have been willing to show mercy like Christ shows us, I am so thankful! I am going to miss you all so much! =(

There are so many others that have made such a difference in my life, but if I were to list everyone....you'd probably never finish reading it. =p Thank you all for your prayers and support...it means the world to me!

I'm off to bed now...I've got some last minute errands to run tomorrow morning before I pack everything up for good. Pictures to come soon! :) Two days and I will be in a car, headed to Texas...I can't believe it...God is SO good!

-Crazii

"This is 600 people who passionately wanna know HIM."

"This is 600 people who passionately wanna know HIM." - David Hasz (in regards to Honor Academy)

Enrollment - Congratulations! from Honor Academy on Vimeo.

I believe that this is the part of the upcoming year that excites me the most. My entire life, I've been told that I am "different". I have always been known as a "goody, goody"...Which is something I always used to get frustrated with. Being raised in the church and being home schooled, people kind of gathered assumptions that I was "sheltered" my entire life -that I just believed what I was taught to believe. This couldn't be further from the truth.

Even in my "rebel" phase, when I turned my back on God....my "wild child side" wasn't that "wild". I still didn't care to take part in drinking....tried it a few times, wasn't worth it. Never smoked anything, never tried any drugs. It just wasn't something I was into. THAT'S JUST ME.

I was tired of being "different" and "mature for my age". I tried conforming to the world's standards...& I got two words for ya...EPIC FAIL.

As I found my way back to Christ, I noticed that those desires to be accepted by the world, slowly faded to the background. When people ask me why I don't have ANYTHING to do with those activities I simply say "its just not my thing." Then...they try to pin it on my "religion".

That's just the thing though. I wish more people understood what its REALLY like to be a "Christian"....its not going to church on Sunday mornings because you feel like you HAVE to. Its not following the Ten Commandments because God said so.... & its not restraining from certain activities because if you don't, you'll go to hell. That's not what its like at all.

I am in love with the Lord!! I can't say that with a big enough smile on my face. =D

When you "love" somebody...there isn't anything you wouldn't do for that person, right? Well that is exactly why I am the way I am! I WANT to please my Saviour!! Sure, the bible is very clear on guidelines...but we, as humans, have a thing called "free will"...which allows us to CHOOSE to please the Lord or not. And personally? I want nothing more than to allow my heart to fall more and more in love with the Lord each and every day!

So now, when I get criticized for being the only one who won't participate...I choose to find joy in that. Especially lately...I've taken A LOT of heat for Honor Academy's guidelines (which are placed there for a reason!). Its extremely hard not to take it personally...but I have to think about where they are coming from in their life and imagine myself in their shoes. Christianity today has become well-known for being judgmental and hypocritical...because we put too much emphasis on rules and regulations!

Do I believe that we should take every single word of the bible to heart? Absolutely.

But I think we leave out the most important thing sometimes...a RELATIONSHIP with HIM.

God doesn't want you to do things (or not do things) because you HAVE to...he wants your LOVE. Think about it: If your significant other brought home flowers EVERY DAY....for two whole years - don't you think the idea of bringing someone flowers would kind of lose its meaning? They would be just flowers! Now relate it to how the Lord takes your actions: Are you doing it (or not) because its expected of you? Or are you really doing out of a passion to please the Lord? =/

Anyways, I'm wayyyyy off track now. Funny how that works. =p

I was just going to say that I am excited about being SURROUNDED by friends who are after the same thing I am : Wanting to passionately know Jesus! I have had a really hard time finding people I can relate to in this world...who are MY age. Its a rare thing to find! This next year is going to be such a memorable year and I can't wait to meet my many brothers and sisters in Christ and finally be surrounded with like-minded friends!!!

One Week...

One week from now I will be in a hotel room somewhere in Texas trying to calm my anxiety for the events about to take place in my life this upcoming year. Next Friday will be the beginning of a life-changing year for me, where I will come face to face with not only physical challenges but spiritual and emotional as well. There is no doubt in my mind that if God has brought me this far in the past year, He won't fail to bring me even further in the months (and years) to come. As I watch videos and read previous interns' blogs...my heart is overwhelmed. I KNOW that this year is going to change me & even though I know that it will be for the better, it still scares me.

Over this summer, while preparing for Honor Academy...I have had to deal with SO many spiritual battles, some of which led to physical. First off, I had fallen head-over-heels for a guy. I'm talking totally consumed with thoughts of "forever" and "happily ever after". I seriously thought he was "the one". Then I attended Acquire The Fire and Honor Academy was presented....it was the first time I had ever heard of the school. There was a peace about it so I felt led to apply and go for the interview. I did. One problem: The boy was not happy with this decision. I thought that if it were God's will, that he would have been all for it...but I was sadly mistaken. :(

During the next month, I prayed & prayed that God would reveal to me where I was supposed to be. As patience is not one of my best qualities, I was getting frustrated. I wanted an answer...NOW. One Sunday morning, I was so angry with life: Here God had brought me back to the Chattanooga area, gave me the opportunity to go to an ATF event, and then led me to fill out an application for a school that I had NEVER heard of all the while expecting me to trust him with my LOVE LIFE, completely surrendering what I wanted even though it had made me SO happy??? I didn't understand it. Didn't God want me to be happy?

So I stayed home from church that morning. As I was lying there in bed, so numb I couldn't even convince myself to move (as the spiritual doubting and anger had turned into a physical battle)..the tears just started flowing...and they didn't stop for a good hour and a half. I couldn't speak at all, but there was no need-my heart spoke for me. I told God that I was frustrated...and I told him that if this was where He really wanted me to go, that I needed confirmation...I remember praying silently, "Lord, give me SOMETHING to on!" That NEXT DAY I got my acceptance letter to HA. It was such a bittersweet moment for me, I will never forget it! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry!! I was in shock that I had been accepted...that God had taken me from being in an abusive relationship just 7 months before and placed me in such a place where I could even be CONSIDERED to take part in such an amazing ministry...yet I knew that I would have to make sacrifices: one of which being the relationship I was in.

Needless to say, God had answered that prayer in His own way. I felt like He had to rip it from my tightly-clenched fists...but He definitely came through and rescued my heart from so tightly clinging to something so temporary. Rumors had made their way around and my deepest fears were confirmed as I found these out lies were actually truth and that this guy had "lost interest" and found joy with some other woman. On top of coming out of an abusive relationship, you can only imagine that pain struck my heart and I don't believe that I will ever be able to put into words how bad that hurt really was. On top of that, the guy drove all the way from Florida to Hamilton Place Mall...in Chattanooga, TN. only to walk into the store I worked at and for what? To kick me down once again? Or so that's how it felt! Though no words were even exchanged, my entire body went numb...and it stayed that way until a full 24 hours later. All I could think was "Am I THAT horrible of a person that people find it necessary to hurt me and find it amusing?"

This then sent me on a journey of self-doubt...and ultimately doubting that I was even "good enough" to still be a part of God's plan. After all, my heart had been through things I never thought I would have to go through in such a short year and a half & I was so positive that it was "broken beyond repair".

This led to sleepless nights, negative attitudes, and doubting everything...including my friendships. I didn't want to be hurt...I didn't want to "love" and put effort into friendships only to have them ripped from me...so I put up walls. I would wake up, go to work, sit alone at Starbucks every night, then go home, play guitar, sleep...and repeat. There was no social life.

As if I wasn't already low enough and I thought it couldn't get any worse, I had to confront the man that had so easily walked out of my life and was now trying to apologize (I had tried ignoring him...but obviously you can't run away from your problems all the time). It wasn't the easiest thing in the world, but I'm glad we talked. Through that conversation, I realized that it WASN'T me...but more the fact that I was choosing to follow Christ. With that commitment, I was making choices that didn't fit his personal agenda...and his morals. After that, it had all become clear...every struggle that I had faced...every pain that I had felt...was just Satan trying to trip me up. It was then that an old hymn came to mind and amidst my pain, doubt, & fear...I suddenly felt comforted.

"When peace like a river attendeth my way.

When sorrows like sea billows roll.

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say...

It is well, it is well with my soul."

On top of dealing with losing a relationship, I had dealt with being persecuted at my job (I had worked for Muslims and they REFUSED to give me Sundays off and had worked me harder than any other employee...I'm talking 50-60 hour weeks AFTER they found out I was a Christian.). I also had to deal with people I respected criticizing Honor Academy and trying to convince me that it was harmful to me - that I would return "brainwashed"...so I have lost friends as well on this journey so far (not my decision of course).

I have learned that it is SO easy to focus on me, me, ME!...but you have to stop and think in the midst of chaos..."Why is this happening?" "What do you want me to learn from this, Lord?" and "Is this what its gonna take to keep on following your will for my life?" And throughout all of this I see that the more I am following God's will for my life, the more the enemy is going to try and distract me from that; & its not about ME at all...its about HIM. Who I stand for. :) I can't help but let that bring a smile to my face!...even in all of these hard things. There is definitely a spiritual battle going on in this world and I have never come so close or felt it more strongly than I have this summer. It can surely grab your attention, yet it is SO scary at the same time!

The scariest part of all is that this has been such a spirit-led experience & I have absolutely NO CLUE where I am going to be a year from now. God keeps putting a passion in my heart...words don't do it justice, but it literally feels like a burning...with such a deep joy and excitement. It usually comes out of nowhere! I could be praying, driving down the road, or sitting at work and I just feel it. He keeps telling me that something BIG is going to happen...that He is going to use me for something beyond my wildest hopes or dreams...but He hasn't told me what that is yet! I feel like a kid who is anticipating Christmas morning...LOL!

Its such an exhilarating yet terrifying thing sometimes to let God completely lead your life. He hasn't and won't ever let me down...so I'm going to keep on trusting... especially because I know now that HE KNOWS BEST even when I can't see all the reasoning behind the circumstance. :) God is good!!