3-Day Fasting LTE (Nov. 4-7)

Here is an experience I thought I'd share from our 3-day fasting LTE (Life Transforming Event) back at the beginning of November:

"Into The Deep."; this was the theme for 3 days of fasting and prayer. No communication with friends or family, no music; just me and my Jesus. Considering I had never fasted before the Honor Academy, this concept seemed a little challenging to me. Little did I know that those three days were going to change the way that I viewed my relationship with Christ forever!

The first day proved to be a little rough as the Lord brought up my past and all the hurt I had encountered in it. He kept tugging at my heart to let it all go, but something was holding me back and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Throughout the first day the Lord gave me random poetic lines and phrases about Christ's love and dancing with Jesus in fields of wildflowers. I was quite frustrated at this because poetry was a huge part of my past and since going through an abusive relationship, I had given up writing completely; so when I can't finish writing what I've started, I get really discouraged. This happened throughout the second day as well and I was starting to wonder why I was even fasting if it was just going to cause me to get so down on myself. Then, the morning we were to break our fast; He revealed the very picture of Him I had been longing to experience. As I sat there with my eyes closed in worship, a heavenly scene played out before me as if I were watching a movie.

"Just my Jesus and me in a field of wildflowers. We sit down to eat and, with tears in my eyes, I begin confessing every sin I had ever committed, telling Him I'm not worthy. He looks at me with eyes so tender and says "I think you're describing someone else. The woman sitting before me has a pure heart. She is forgiven; she had been set apart for me. She is my princess with eyes full of love and beauty." With this, He scooped me up in His arms, dried my tears, and then we danced for hour upon hour as we intimately shared the deepest part of our hearts. Before I knew it, the sun was setting; I had spent all day with my heavenly Prince and it STILL didn't feel like enough time.

As the tears began to run down my cheek, my Lord asked me "Why so sad, love?" I stumbled over my words; "I don't want you to leave me. This has been the best day of my life and I never want it to end." He sweetly smiled at me and, kissing my tears, He got down on one knee. "Casee," He said, "It doesn't have to end; I have always been right there beside you. Will you do something for me?" Struggling to catch my breath, I managed a very weak "Yes." "Will you run away with me? Casee, will you marry me?" My soul was overjoyed and with the most loving embrace I've ever felt, He picked me up and swung me around. I could hardly believe what had just happened. My Jesus. My Holy Saviour. He was desperate; for me!

As if the day had not been perfect enough, there I laid in His warm embrace as He counted off each and every star by name. As my eyes grew heavy, I could help but smile. I was in love; and He was head-over-heels for me."

THIS was what this weekend was about; encountering the Lord like never before. It was a time to soak in the presence of God and be pulled in closer & DEEPER; into an intimate relationship with Him.

Busy, Busy, BUSY!!!!

So the life of an intern is EXTREMELY busy....especially when they take two and a half weeks off to go to NORWAY!!! Ahhhh! I have finals ALL next week so I have been studying like CRAZY (9 Finals to take next week)! I shall DEFINITELY post pictures from Norway when I go home for Christmas break though. I will fly in on December 18th and return to Texas on January 2nd. I can't wait!!!! Here is just a taste of what I got to experience though. :)

This is Where The Healing Begins

Going to Norway changed my life in so many ways, but the biggest impact it made on me was definitely helping me come to the realization that it is okay to be myself.

Growing up, I've always heard that said...but here, at this point in my life....being 21 years old, I FINALLY understand what that means. The past two months I've struggled with feeling like I'm not "good enough". Most of the interns here came to the Honor Academy right out of high school...and although I'm only 21, I was feeling so beat down by the fact that I've made mistake after mistake after mistake, before finally walking down the path that God had intended. In a way, I've been feeling condemned. I've been believing the lie that I'm too broken or dirty to be used by God...that I'm worthless. I've been comparing my life with others' lives...and it has killed me spiritually.

Thankfully, God is a loving God...and a persistent one. He continues to pursue me and speak truth over my life when I am so blinded by the enemy; when the demons screaming lies into my life drown out the gentle voice of my Saviour whispering words of love and affirmation.

You see, its not about being the best "Christian". Sometimes, I think the church today is so set on religion instead of relationship, and because that's all we've been taught...when it comes to the relationship part, we are still in "religion mode". This makes it hard for us to receive God's love because we still feel we have to earn it. The beauty of it all is that God loves us no matter what; He doesn't just love us, He is head-over-heels for us! He would do ANYTHING it takes to win our heart if we could just open up our eyes and hearts, acknowledging that he is there!

Just realizing that one thing - allowing God's love to become REAL to me, has changed my view on everything. I might not be the best worship leader right now; I might hit the wrong note or play the wrong chord. I might not be the wisest woman alive or feel like I am ready to lead a group of young women through their struggles; and somehow that is okay. The Lord wants me just how I am...broken and bruised. I HAVE been through a lot...and before I can lead others through their circumstances and trials, I have to acknowledge that I am feeling just like they are and allow God to lead ME through.

Someone in Norway told me that they feel the next two years of my life are going to bring about significant healing...which brought comfort in so many ways. I can't just live like my past never happened because it has brought me to where I am today and going through the healing process definitely plays a huge part in where the Lord is calling me (young women's ministry). Just to know that I don't have to get from point A to Z in this one year internship brings a lot of relief in different areas of my life. I can be free to be myself and I don't have to feel defeated when I see other people ministering to others in ways that I am not able to yet. There are always going to be people that God will allow me to minister to in ways that I don't necessarily expect...and that's the cool part; that He can still use me in the midst of my brokenness! :) I am resting safely in His arms, soaking in His love....allowing it to become real to me and healing my heart in ways that I never thought it could be touched again. The crazy thing is, there is SO much more that I will come to realize as I walk with Him daily. There has already been so much healing but this is just the beginning.

THIS is where the healing begins!

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear


So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Be Not Afraid!

Throughout the Norway trip, the Lord revealed Himself to me in so many ways that I've never experienced before. The team went to Norway to "break chains" and bring freedom not just in worship, but in every area of their lives. It is definitely safe to say that chains were not only broken off of THEM, but in my life as well.

Growing up, I always considered myself a shy girl. I have now come to the realization that I have been believing a lie. Yes, I am normally a quiet person...BUT...there is a difference between being gentle-spirited and being SHY. Being shy is something I have started considering as a stronghold in my life. I know that the Lord has big plans for me; it has been confirmed numerous times through prayer, circumstances, AND other people...but if I put God in a box, telling Him that He can only do so much in my life because I'm not willing to take that step of boldness; because I'm AFRAID...how can I ever expect to grow?

2 Timothy 1:7 - "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity; but of power, of love, and of self-discipline."

Forgiveness is a Choice!

One of the things that the Lord has been really working in me on is the forgiveness issue. Growing up, I never had a good relationship with Dad; which now I realize is the root of a lot of my relationship problems. I hold things against certain people that they most likely don't even know hurt me. I expect too much of people; I hold them up to this 'perfect standard' when, really, I can't even live up to that myself!

I always feel defeated when the past comes up and I can't let it go from my memory. The truth is, the past will always be there. You can't live like it never happened; it has made you who you are...but forgiveness is a choice. You can choose to let your past circumstances tbeat you to the ground and make you an angry, bitter, lonely person; or you can stand back up when they knock you down, choose to be the bigger person, and stop the negative thoughts before they can take hold of you...which, in the end, brings so much more freedom than you will ever be able to comprehend!

Pictures!!!

This is strictly a picture post. I apologize for not keeping this updated...with 12 classes plus a ministry placement, there really isn't any free time. ;) Video blog coming soon!

New Beginnings :)

This is a year of new beginnings for me...I'm so excited! God is going to do great things!

SCHOOL OF WORSHIP PROMO 2010-2011

I've been placed on the Sacramento, CA. Acquire the Fire event!!! I will be calling and registering/inviting churches to the event and then in April I will get to travel and attend that event! We just started calling this past Tuesday and I must say...its scary at first, but so much fun! Our team is made up of all the Cali events, which consists of Elliott, Miranda, Tyler, PJ, Danae, Rhett, Zach, David, Rianna, & our manager, Anthony. We have THE best team, hands down. They are a lot of fun...Anthony is a cool manager. We start off the day by meeting at his desk to share what God is doing and spend time in prayer. Then we break out and go to our desks, meeting again halfway through the day and then again after work....and we get to watch funny videos on youtube...and from what we are told, we'll have theme days. :) This year is going to be so much fun!

ESOAL is coming up.....and I am OOBER excited!!! It will start September 15th and end approximately three to four days later. They never give an ending time, but the idea is t0 push you emotionally, physically, and spiritually...and to get you to work as a team (which will be made up of your brother core and sister core).

Emotionally

Stretching

Opportunity of

A

Lifetime

ESOAL TRAILER

Speaking of, we got to meet our brother core on Friday night...They are so much fun! Rachel (our Core Advisor), blindfolded us and had us make a train as she took us around the entire campus. (The guys had to go through the same thing with their CA, Cullen) While we were still blindfolded, Cullen spoke to the women some words of wisdom. He asked us not to go to the guys when he were upset or distressed about something...we were to go to one of our sisters in order to protect the men's hearts. He also said that guys have in their minds, the idea that all women gossip and talk bad about them behind their backs..he asked us to prove that wrong this year. Finally, he told us that the best way to encourage our brothers this year, was to lift them up in prayer. Then he took us to the gazebo and after a few minutes of waiting, Rachel brought our brothers. After we were all seated, (still blindfolded) we all shared our most embarrasing moments! Then we took off our blindfolds and officially met. Afterwards we went to Sonic for some more fellowship. Saturday we had family core dish duty and we all decided to dress up like Ninjas! I'll upload pictures eventually. :)

Its definitely been a whole new experience when its comes to the guys here. Dave Hasz, a couple nights after we arrived, went over the rules. Of course the one of which requires us not to date this year. His words were, "Girls, if a guy approaches you and tells you that he has feelings for you....you say "get away you, creep...I'm your sister (in Christ)"...and then you run away as fast as you can." (of course for guys, it would be likewise) I've never really thought about things like that....buts so true. Its not uncomfortable here at all. Being a woman in our world today, you get stared at all the time by guys...its a natural thing. But here, its not an issue. We have dress code and a huge part of the women's is modesty. The guidelines may seem a tad extreme at first (there are even things I would wear that aren't okay here), but now I understand why they make those rules. It helps the men respect you more by not even giving them something to see that would encourage negative thoughts. They also serve you here. They offer to carry things for you, take your dishes, hold doors for you, offer to help you down the stairs safely...its SO different from the "outside" world. I'm not sure if I want to ever leave...when men and women start viewing each other as God intended and healthy relationships with the opposite sex start forming...its a beautiful thing! =p

It is definitely going to be an amazing year! :) I DO miss you all...and I would LOVE to hear from you guys...even though I'm forming some incredible friendships, I haven't forgotten you. Haha.

For Mail:

Casee Ossmann

PO Box 2010 #377

Garden Valley, TX. 75771-2010

For Packages:

Casee Ossmann

22392 FM 16 W.

Garden Valley, TX. 75771

Also, if you would like to help me financially, words could not express how grateful I would be!!!

My TM ID is #2606074.

Just go to www.honoracademy.com/donate

(or you could send a check to me if you'd prefer...I can make sure it goes directly into my account.)

I want to leave you all with my new favorite song. Its definitely my theme song for this year....enjoy!

NEWSBOYS - BORN AGAIN

I found myself looking into the mirrior
Knew I wasnt who I wanted to be
I was living like the way that I wanted
But my eyes reminded me I'm not free.
Beleived that I saw everything that I know
Says I got to go, tired of going solo
But I'm never gonna go there again.

This is what it is
This is who I am
This is where I finally take my stand
I didnt want to fall
But I don't have to crawl
I met the One with two scarred hands
Giving him the best of everything thats left of
The life inside this man
I've been Born Again

I see you walking like your living in fear
Having trouble even looking at me
Wishin they would give you more than words
Sick of people telling how it should be (how it should be)
What's your download, where'd you get your info, you saw that I'm show now your in the inload
Gonna tell you what I believe

This is what it is
This is who I am
This is where I finally take my stand
I didnt want to fall
But I don't have to crawl
I met the One with two scarred hands
Giving him the best of everything thats left of
The life inside this man
I've been Born Again

We are the ones they call by name
(I'm never gonna look back)
Let go let go the guilt the shame
(Said I'm never gonna look back)
This is who I am

This is what it is
This is who I am
This is where I finally take my stand
I didnt want to fall
But I don't have to crawl
I met the One with two scarred hands
Giving him the best of everything thats left of
The life inside this man
I've been Born Again

Love,

Casee

NOW....my heart is truly overwhelmed!

I wanted to take a few minutes and share what God is doing here in my life at The Honor Academy.

I have auditioned and been accepted into the School Of Worship! Which is a compelete miracle...because of the fact I had completely given up when it came to that part of my life. Yes, I sing at Hamilton Life Church and I play two instruments, but I had planned on it just being something that I did because I thrououghly enjoyed it...it was more of a hobby. Randy Olsson (one of the leaders here at HA) was speaking about our past experiences and how sometimes we let them define our future, which is totally what I had done. Last weekend, God awakened a passion inside me that I can't even put into words. They called for last minute audition sign ups and I knew I had to go.

I was SO nervous! I knew how to play piano, guitar....and sing. But when it came to music theory, because when I was in Florida, I'd given it up...I did horrible! I thought I was out for sure! They posted the audition results that night in the cafeteria...and much to my suprise, I was IN!!! =D I am called to worship, but I also have a passion for kids....so I have no idea what the Lord is preparing me for! For now, I will be focusing on becoming a leader of worship. I cannot tell you how happy this makes my heart! It makes me want to cry every time I think about the opportunities that God is putting before me.

We have officially moved into our rooms (the ones we were in for Gauntlet week were temporary).

We also had our commitment banquet Friday night and I was sworn into the School of Worship. Again...I cannot describe the joy this brings to my heart!! =D

Saturday we had sessions and found out who our core groups were for the entire year.

Core Group = A group of 10-12 girls you meet with every couple of days and pray, encourage each other, and keep one another accountable in your walks.

Sunday we tried a church out as a core (they allow us to go off campus and get involved in a home church on Sundays). It wasn't horrible...it just wasn't MY church and I got a little emotional and homesick. In the afternoon, we had CORE day. We spent the entire day with our cores. We went out to lunch after church to Chili's...and then came back for a picture scavenger hunt ALL over campus....BUT there was one catch. We had to put on our craziest, most modest outfit....and they didn't tell us what we were doing until AFTER we had changed. Each of us had like 5 layers on. It was SOOOO hot...but I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my entire life! =)

After the hunt, Rachel and Michelle (our core leaders) took us to an AMAZING place on the lake. Its a place called YWAM (Youth With A Mission)...its a small campus with an internship like ours. They have a "chapel" with glass windows overlooking the lake. It was GORGEOUS. I led the group in a couple worship songs (first time!!). :) We had our quiet time, then went to Dairy Queen and they took us to yet another peaceful place. We sat on our blankets as the two leaders shared their testimonies ( and I must say they were POWERFUL!).

Monday (yesterday) we found out our ministry placements. Yay! I am in the Acquire the Fire call center....which means I will be calling youth pastors and pastors to inform and invite to the events. I will be placed on a city and I will call for that general area. The cool part is, its OUR job to get these teens to the events....which plays a huge part in them! I can't wait! The city I will be calling for, I will also get to go to the event and see the people that I helped get to the event, which is going to be AWESOME!

We have training all this week and classes start Thursday so I am excited about that as well!

Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to read the updates, it means a lot!

School of Worship is going to be an extra $1,800.00, so if you would be interested in helping me out:

You can call 1-800-863-6306. My TM ID is #2606074. Make sure you let them know! :)

Thanks again!!

Gauntlet Week!

Adrianna & I!

Carey Hall

Yay! :)

Polka Dots!! =D

Closet Space

Wow! I can't believe I'm in TEXAS! That still completely blows my mind. :) I got to sneak out of my dorm for a bit (corporate exercise was cancelled tomorrow morning) so I'm able to give you all a quick update.

This weekend has been such a time of healing for me. God has awakened passions and dreams that I NEVER thought I would ever even think about again. For about the past four years...and having gone through an abusive relationship, I kind of put my passion for music on the back burner....but then forgot about it completely. At the beginning of the year, I started singing again with the Hamilton Life Church Worship Band (& it has been SUCH a blessing!) and started picking guitar back up over the summer. Even then I really didn't think about pursuing it though, as I kept thinking that I wasn't good enough. Over this weekend, God has totally opened my eyes to the fact, that I HAVE been blessed with a gift, and that I need to share it. The quote from Erma Bombeck comes to mind:

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".

Is this how I have been living my life?? I have somehow come to the conclusion that just because I can't lead worship like Matt Redman or some Hillsong group, that I am not "good enough". But God is completely changing how I view that. He has placed in my heart a passion for music and just because it gets hard or people don't respond the way I want them to....it doesn't mean I should quit! He has gifted me with a voice & the talents for playing guitar and piano...but that was always hard for me to admit. It almost felt that it I were to admit that, it would be as if I were saying "look at me, I'm gifted....or "I'm better than you." But its not (unless of course, I were to boast ALL the time). Then you might want to knock me upside the head and let me know I'm out of place. =p Haha j/k, j/k! And so what if I'm not the best at whatever instrument....that's why you give your 200% and practice! ;) Everyone has to start somewhere!

Sooooo, they called for last minute sign ups to audition for the School of Worship. The School of Worship is a track here at the Honor Academy...it includes a full year of lessons for an instrument of your choice, classes like song writing, music theory, worship perspectives, & worship leadership.

My audition was this morning at 11:15....and I made it into the program!! =D God is SO good...like, I cannot even begin to describe how overwhelmed my heart is at this moment...just when I thought that it couldn't get any better...God totally stepped in and has awakened my passion for music...for worship. I'm so humbled when I look back at where I was less than a year ago. Living with my boyfriend in an abusive situation...totally living a life of sin. God somehow saw good in me and turned everything around. I do not deserve the love that He just continually is pouring out on me in this season of my life, and it just brings me to my knees every single time I think about it. If there was one thing I would want people to know is that it is NEVER too late for God to step in and turn things around. He LOVES you...and you are His child. He only wants the BEST for your life.

Anyways...The School of Worship is an extra $1800 a year. It seems like such a huge amount to have to raise considering I don't have a job...but I've been making my way through the Gospels...and if the same miracle worker in the bible could feed five thousand with five loaves and two fish....heal the blind...turn water into wine...heal the lepers...and calm the raging sea...and he is the same yesterday, today, and FOREVER...then who am I to doubt that he will pull through for His child? Whom he wants the best for. I KNOW I can't do this...but God will make it happen. He somehow, someway....brought me to Garden Valley....to Honor Academy...and provided an opportunity I never thought I would ever have again...and audition for the School of Worship. I KNOW that this is where I am supposed to be. I know because I have a passion burning inside me that I can't explain. Its like a fire....and I am literally overjoyed!!!

I love and miss you guys!

Thanks for all the pictures and scriptures...its been extremely encouraging! =D

Love,

Casee

P.S. Be in prayer...we have our first exam tomorrow as well as our commitment banquet and then we will be told our ministry placements.

Get ready....set.....GO!

Well....the moment I've been planning for all summer is finally here...I still can't believe it! Tomorrow morning, Mom and I will load up the rental car and be on our way to Garden Valley, Texas. This is the beginning of an amazing journey for me in more ways than one...and my heart is truly overwhelmed! I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store this upcoming year!

All the pictures I could fit in the frame! :)

BEFORE everything was packed.

AFTER my efforts to cram everything in! *I do have a mini-fridge and microwave that aren't in the picture...but still! =p -I'd say I did pretty well packing for 1 year, thank you. ;)

So considering I've spent the last week and a half sorting, packing, picking up last minute things, & packing some more...its safe to say that I am officially READY for Texas!

I will be trying to keep you all updated as much as possible, but not exactly sure what time I will have the first few weeks! I CAN'T WAIT!!

I've said it before, but thank you all for your love and support - it really does mean a lot to me!

-Crazii :)

Thank You...to BOTH my families. :)

I've been reflecting a lot this past week as I prepare for Honor Academy and I just wanted to take a few minutes and thank some people. I would not be where I am today without them!

Mom & Dad- Thank you for teaching me to stay strong through everything. Through the years, watching you guys and how you handle marriage & raising us kids...I've learned a lot. Thank you for always trusting God when things were tight or you didn't know what to do or why things were the way they were. Thank you for being there no matter what happened in my life...and thank you for letting me come back home when I deserted you. I love you!! I can only pray that my husband and I can be everything as parents that you have been to me!

Mommy- (Yes, I still call her that...) ;) You truly are my best friend and I don't know how I'm gonna survive this entire next year without having you right there with me! :( Thank you for always being there when I needed someone to talk to...and for always being strong enough to help point me in the right direction when I had gotten off-track. Thank you for being such an amazing mommy, wife, daughter, sister, and friend!...and for all of your yummy cooking even though it makes me fat!! (LOL) I hope I grow up to be just like you! ;) Love you!!

Hamilton Life Church - Damon & Kristi, Ryan & Brittany, Doug & Tina, Mike & Joleen, Elliott, & ALL my babies and kiddos (& a WHOLE bunch more people who I'm failing to mention because there are so many who have made a difference!) You have all touched my life in some way and I will never forget you! Looking back at where I was a year ago, I never thought that I would ever be accepted in the church or have an opportunity to serve in ministry again after I had so easily turned my back not only on God, but you guys as well. Words simply cannot express how much you have touched my life...in SO many ways! I've grown up in churches...but to experience the love that you guys have poured out on me through your prayers and support...it brings tears to my eyes every single time I think about it. Just to know that you have been willing to show mercy like Christ shows us, I am so thankful! I am going to miss you all so much! =(

There are so many others that have made such a difference in my life, but if I were to list everyone....you'd probably never finish reading it. =p Thank you all for your prayers and support...it means the world to me!

I'm off to bed now...I've got some last minute errands to run tomorrow morning before I pack everything up for good. Pictures to come soon! :) Two days and I will be in a car, headed to Texas...I can't believe it...God is SO good!

-Crazii

"This is 600 people who passionately wanna know HIM."

"This is 600 people who passionately wanna know HIM." - David Hasz (in regards to Honor Academy)

Enrollment - Congratulations! from Honor Academy on Vimeo.

I believe that this is the part of the upcoming year that excites me the most. My entire life, I've been told that I am "different". I have always been known as a "goody, goody"...Which is something I always used to get frustrated with. Being raised in the church and being home schooled, people kind of gathered assumptions that I was "sheltered" my entire life -that I just believed what I was taught to believe. This couldn't be further from the truth.

Even in my "rebel" phase, when I turned my back on God....my "wild child side" wasn't that "wild". I still didn't care to take part in drinking....tried it a few times, wasn't worth it. Never smoked anything, never tried any drugs. It just wasn't something I was into. THAT'S JUST ME.

I was tired of being "different" and "mature for my age". I tried conforming to the world's standards...& I got two words for ya...EPIC FAIL.

As I found my way back to Christ, I noticed that those desires to be accepted by the world, slowly faded to the background. When people ask me why I don't have ANYTHING to do with those activities I simply say "its just not my thing." Then...they try to pin it on my "religion".

That's just the thing though. I wish more people understood what its REALLY like to be a "Christian"....its not going to church on Sunday mornings because you feel like you HAVE to. Its not following the Ten Commandments because God said so.... & its not restraining from certain activities because if you don't, you'll go to hell. That's not what its like at all.

I am in love with the Lord!! I can't say that with a big enough smile on my face. =D

When you "love" somebody...there isn't anything you wouldn't do for that person, right? Well that is exactly why I am the way I am! I WANT to please my Saviour!! Sure, the bible is very clear on guidelines...but we, as humans, have a thing called "free will"...which allows us to CHOOSE to please the Lord or not. And personally? I want nothing more than to allow my heart to fall more and more in love with the Lord each and every day!

So now, when I get criticized for being the only one who won't participate...I choose to find joy in that. Especially lately...I've taken A LOT of heat for Honor Academy's guidelines (which are placed there for a reason!). Its extremely hard not to take it personally...but I have to think about where they are coming from in their life and imagine myself in their shoes. Christianity today has become well-known for being judgmental and hypocritical...because we put too much emphasis on rules and regulations!

Do I believe that we should take every single word of the bible to heart? Absolutely.

But I think we leave out the most important thing sometimes...a RELATIONSHIP with HIM.

God doesn't want you to do things (or not do things) because you HAVE to...he wants your LOVE. Think about it: If your significant other brought home flowers EVERY DAY....for two whole years - don't you think the idea of bringing someone flowers would kind of lose its meaning? They would be just flowers! Now relate it to how the Lord takes your actions: Are you doing it (or not) because its expected of you? Or are you really doing out of a passion to please the Lord? =/

Anyways, I'm wayyyyy off track now. Funny how that works. =p

I was just going to say that I am excited about being SURROUNDED by friends who are after the same thing I am : Wanting to passionately know Jesus! I have had a really hard time finding people I can relate to in this world...who are MY age. Its a rare thing to find! This next year is going to be such a memorable year and I can't wait to meet my many brothers and sisters in Christ and finally be surrounded with like-minded friends!!!

One Week...

One week from now I will be in a hotel room somewhere in Texas trying to calm my anxiety for the events about to take place in my life this upcoming year. Next Friday will be the beginning of a life-changing year for me, where I will come face to face with not only physical challenges but spiritual and emotional as well. There is no doubt in my mind that if God has brought me this far in the past year, He won't fail to bring me even further in the months (and years) to come. As I watch videos and read previous interns' blogs...my heart is overwhelmed. I KNOW that this year is going to change me & even though I know that it will be for the better, it still scares me.

Over this summer, while preparing for Honor Academy...I have had to deal with SO many spiritual battles, some of which led to physical. First off, I had fallen head-over-heels for a guy. I'm talking totally consumed with thoughts of "forever" and "happily ever after". I seriously thought he was "the one". Then I attended Acquire The Fire and Honor Academy was presented....it was the first time I had ever heard of the school. There was a peace about it so I felt led to apply and go for the interview. I did. One problem: The boy was not happy with this decision. I thought that if it were God's will, that he would have been all for it...but I was sadly mistaken. :(

During the next month, I prayed & prayed that God would reveal to me where I was supposed to be. As patience is not one of my best qualities, I was getting frustrated. I wanted an answer...NOW. One Sunday morning, I was so angry with life: Here God had brought me back to the Chattanooga area, gave me the opportunity to go to an ATF event, and then led me to fill out an application for a school that I had NEVER heard of all the while expecting me to trust him with my LOVE LIFE, completely surrendering what I wanted even though it had made me SO happy??? I didn't understand it. Didn't God want me to be happy?

So I stayed home from church that morning. As I was lying there in bed, so numb I couldn't even convince myself to move (as the spiritual doubting and anger had turned into a physical battle)..the tears just started flowing...and they didn't stop for a good hour and a half. I couldn't speak at all, but there was no need-my heart spoke for me. I told God that I was frustrated...and I told him that if this was where He really wanted me to go, that I needed confirmation...I remember praying silently, "Lord, give me SOMETHING to on!" That NEXT DAY I got my acceptance letter to HA. It was such a bittersweet moment for me, I will never forget it! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry!! I was in shock that I had been accepted...that God had taken me from being in an abusive relationship just 7 months before and placed me in such a place where I could even be CONSIDERED to take part in such an amazing ministry...yet I knew that I would have to make sacrifices: one of which being the relationship I was in.

Needless to say, God had answered that prayer in His own way. I felt like He had to rip it from my tightly-clenched fists...but He definitely came through and rescued my heart from so tightly clinging to something so temporary. Rumors had made their way around and my deepest fears were confirmed as I found these out lies were actually truth and that this guy had "lost interest" and found joy with some other woman. On top of coming out of an abusive relationship, you can only imagine that pain struck my heart and I don't believe that I will ever be able to put into words how bad that hurt really was. On top of that, the guy drove all the way from Florida to Hamilton Place Mall...in Chattanooga, TN. only to walk into the store I worked at and for what? To kick me down once again? Or so that's how it felt! Though no words were even exchanged, my entire body went numb...and it stayed that way until a full 24 hours later. All I could think was "Am I THAT horrible of a person that people find it necessary to hurt me and find it amusing?"

This then sent me on a journey of self-doubt...and ultimately doubting that I was even "good enough" to still be a part of God's plan. After all, my heart had been through things I never thought I would have to go through in such a short year and a half & I was so positive that it was "broken beyond repair".

This led to sleepless nights, negative attitudes, and doubting everything...including my friendships. I didn't want to be hurt...I didn't want to "love" and put effort into friendships only to have them ripped from me...so I put up walls. I would wake up, go to work, sit alone at Starbucks every night, then go home, play guitar, sleep...and repeat. There was no social life.

As if I wasn't already low enough and I thought it couldn't get any worse, I had to confront the man that had so easily walked out of my life and was now trying to apologize (I had tried ignoring him...but obviously you can't run away from your problems all the time). It wasn't the easiest thing in the world, but I'm glad we talked. Through that conversation, I realized that it WASN'T me...but more the fact that I was choosing to follow Christ. With that commitment, I was making choices that didn't fit his personal agenda...and his morals. After that, it had all become clear...every struggle that I had faced...every pain that I had felt...was just Satan trying to trip me up. It was then that an old hymn came to mind and amidst my pain, doubt, & fear...I suddenly felt comforted.

"When peace like a river attendeth my way.

When sorrows like sea billows roll.

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say...

It is well, it is well with my soul."

On top of dealing with losing a relationship, I had dealt with being persecuted at my job (I had worked for Muslims and they REFUSED to give me Sundays off and had worked me harder than any other employee...I'm talking 50-60 hour weeks AFTER they found out I was a Christian.). I also had to deal with people I respected criticizing Honor Academy and trying to convince me that it was harmful to me - that I would return "brainwashed"...so I have lost friends as well on this journey so far (not my decision of course).

I have learned that it is SO easy to focus on me, me, ME!...but you have to stop and think in the midst of chaos..."Why is this happening?" "What do you want me to learn from this, Lord?" and "Is this what its gonna take to keep on following your will for my life?" And throughout all of this I see that the more I am following God's will for my life, the more the enemy is going to try and distract me from that; & its not about ME at all...its about HIM. Who I stand for. :) I can't help but let that bring a smile to my face!...even in all of these hard things. There is definitely a spiritual battle going on in this world and I have never come so close or felt it more strongly than I have this summer. It can surely grab your attention, yet it is SO scary at the same time!

The scariest part of all is that this has been such a spirit-led experience & I have absolutely NO CLUE where I am going to be a year from now. God keeps putting a passion in my heart...words don't do it justice, but it literally feels like a burning...with such a deep joy and excitement. It usually comes out of nowhere! I could be praying, driving down the road, or sitting at work and I just feel it. He keeps telling me that something BIG is going to happen...that He is going to use me for something beyond my wildest hopes or dreams...but He hasn't told me what that is yet! I feel like a kid who is anticipating Christmas morning...LOL!

Its such an exhilarating yet terrifying thing sometimes to let God completely lead your life. He hasn't and won't ever let me down...so I'm going to keep on trusting... especially because I know now that HE KNOWS BEST even when I can't see all the reasoning behind the circumstance. :) God is good!!

The Parable Of The Lost Sheep & Her Java Chip Frappuccino

On top of working 50 hour work weeks and preparing for this fall, my mind has not been able shut down at night, leaving me to think about the events of the past year. Life has been absolutely insane but, in particular, since September.

Beginning of September, I was still living with my boyfriend. Completely living outside of the will of God...and I knew it. I turned my back on EVERYTHING I had ever believed in or been taught (having grown up in the church)...only to be accepted into The Honor Academy not even 7 months later. Having left that part of my life behind, I'm still in awe of the fact that God has chosen to give me a second chance, but lately...doubt has crept into the back of my mind - and the devil definitely knows how to use that to his advantage.
Honor Academy is year-long internship to focus on your relationship with Christ, but even more than that, to develop LEADERSHIP skills to ADVANCE the kingdom of God.

LEADERSHIP: That's what has hit me so hard. Just the thought of even touching on the surface of becoming a "leader" with a ten and a half foot pole...TERRIFIES me. When I think of all the people that I am going to be serving this next year (and hopefully the rest of my life) in the name of our Lord, I can't help but think of how unworthy I am to have been given such an opportunity. I can't help but wonder, "If they only knew the things I have done - the sins I've committed against you, Lord...they would shun me. Would they even look up to me as a "leader?" " If people only knew how, half a year ago, I was so deliberately disobeying you...would they still want to accept and support me in going to Honor Academy? There are SO many other people that applied to this internship...people who have only dreamed about an opportunity like this their entire life. WHY did you save me from an abusive relationship WHEN I DENIED YOU and WHY WAS I CHOSEN??

Tonight, over a java chip frappuccino (Mmmmmm!)...my emotions finally got the best of me and I let my thoughts flow freely through the phone to an old friend in Florida. It was as if I felt the need to start confessing every single sin and explain why I didn't deserve this internship...AND notify him of how horrible of a person I had been.
Poor Steve, he's been there with me through everything...but tonight, I thought for sure, I'd cried one tear too many for even the most loyal of friends to handle. Yet this was his response: "Casee, it doesn't matter what you have done; go back and read the parable of the Prodigal Son again. God LOVES you."

Luke 15:11-27

11Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. 12The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.
13"Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' 20So he got up and went to his father.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.[b]'

22"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. 24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

25"Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'


WOW. This guy had totally turned his back on his entire life (his family, his friends) and everything he had known because he thought the grass was greener on the other side...just like I did. Wild living was okay for a while...but it says in 14 -"After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need."
It amazes me how much I can relate to this verse after going back and reading it again. "after he had spent everything, he began to be in need." It was I, 7 months ago, who had spent everything...emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually, chasing after something SO TEMPORARY. I didn't realize how desperately I was in NEED, until I was literally on the floor weeping (I had gotten into an argument with my boyfriend and he had pushed me to the ground.). Even then, I thought I was a goner until I heard the voice of God, which brings me to another parable.

Reading back a little bit to the beginning of Luke Chapter 15 I read the parable of the lost sheep once again:

3Then Jesus told them this parable: 4"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' 7I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

Again, WOW. I've read this parable probably a hundred times before...but this time it struck me hard. Tears filled my eyes - would God REALLY leave 99 other believers who devoutly followed after him to find ME in the midst of MY pain and brokenness when I had no idea he could even use me again? The answer is yes, HE DID. The voice I had heard in my head that night, was none other than God's when he said, "You don't deserve this. You are my beautiful child and you deserve nothing less than my perfect plan for your life."

HE chose to save me from a dangerous situation and lead me back to Chattanooga to discover HA. Why?? Because HE LOVES ME.

"Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, "Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep!" - HOW AMAZING HIS LOVE IS FOR US...IT HAS NO END!!! No matter how far we think we have gone off the deep end...HE IS ALWAYS RIGHT THERE with open arms...just like the father in the parable of the prodigal son. :) How awesome is it to hear that?!?!

So now am I "ready" to be a "leader"? Do I "deserve" to be given that title? Noooo & NO! But I have come to the humbling realization that its not about ME. I didn't save myself from an abusive relationship and careless living. I didn't call myself to HA. I didn't give myself a second chance...psh. Puh-LEASEEE! I hardly knew what grace truly was (and is) until recently. GOD DID ALL OF THAT. Every single bit! So while I may not exactly be comfortable with the term "leader"...I AM ready to be totally and completely open about what GOD has done in my life, how HE has changed me. And I can only hope that through the way I live my life from this moment on, people can catch even a glimpse of how much they are loved and a little bit of what grace truly feels like...cause just a little bit is all it takes.

MATCHING SCHOLARSHIP WEEK!!!

June 14-18, 2010! Anything donated in under my name will be doubled!

Enrollment - Congratulations! from Honor Academy on Vimeo.

I had no idea that God was calling me to Texas until recently and, unfortunately, nothing in this earthly world is free. Though I have been working doubles lately, trying to save money, I can only do so much. :(

The cost for this upcoming year is roughly about $10,000.00. This will include food, dorms, tuition, & the expense of the missions trip next summer that is required to graduate. Due to the intensity of the program, I will not be permitted to have a job the entire time that I am there. In these tough economic times, I know it may seem like a lot, but if it is God's will that I got accepted, then I will have faith that He will provide. If you would be interested in sponsoring me for this year or even donating a one-time gift, it would be greatly appreciated!

For more information on HA (or to make a donation), visit www.honoracademy.com,

or call 1-800-863-6306. Donations can be made directly to Honor Academy. Please make checks payable to Teen Mania.

Honor Academy

PO Box 2000

Garden Valley, TX 75771

USA

Name: Casee Ossmann

ID: 2606074.

You are greatly appreciated,

Casee

1 Timothy 4:12 "And don't let anyone put you down because you're young. Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity."