Am I really this crazy??

SO many thoughts running through my mind right now.

Jesus, please give me peace!!

Live Free, Young Padawan!

Ministry Team

As I prepare for mini-roads, I can't help but wonder...

....

........

.............

"Wait a minute! Prepare?"

...

Is that even possible? Am I even supposed to be "prepared"?

...

True, I am supposed to strive for excellence; but is stressing out about tomorrow, really how I'm called to respond? Doesn't it say in Matthew to not worry about tomorrow, for today has enough worries of it's own?" or "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

...

Then I got to thinking about how I'm such a planner. Yes, you know the type; I like to know what's going on when and if anything changes, God forbid you tell me last minute! Last minute things confuse me and put me on edge.

Yet, somehow as I started typing this out, the Lord gave me a HUGE revelation.

Maybe my life isn't supposed to make sense and I'm not supposed to "have it all together". If I did, then I would be perfect...and therefore, I would not need direction or guidance from the Lord. I've always been a dreamer and call me crazy; but I believe that I was made that way for a reason. I was made this way...with this "childlike" innocence...for a reason. Some see it as irresponsible as I tend to go on a whim with some things. Yet, if the Lord made me this way; wouldn't He have made me this way because He knew I would respond the same way when He called me to do something? I love adventure; but I've always been afraid to step out in faith on that because of what people will think.

Yet, I want to. I want to be the girl that is so in love with Jesus that will leave all reasoning behind...just to surrender to His will. Whether that be the opinions of other people, finances, or circumstance. I want to LIVE FREE!!

My point? If I truly believed my God was big enough; I would live outrageously...regardless of life itself.

Refinement

Dear Jesus,


I think I'm FINALLY starting to understand the term "Beauty in Brokenness". It's such a bittersweet feeling; to be humbled at the foot of the cross. When everything I ever thought I was or hoped to become is stripped away and I realize my true identity is in you and THROUGH you. Without you, I have nothing. Without you I AM nothing. Without you...I have no reason to live. Jesus...BE MY EVERYTHING. All the worldly things that I used to treasure in my heart seem to fade into the background as I fall deeper and deeper in love with you. May I always burn for you inside...may my heart always be close to your fire! Lord, let me never grow apathetic again to your words, to your love, TO YOUR HEART. I want to dance with you for hours in fields of wildflowers. I want to rest in your arms, completely safe and sound. I want to always know who I am in you and know that I no longer have to be afraid. It is here that I'm loved. It is here that I'm cherished. It is here that I'm FREE to be ME! Thank you for loving me even when I don't deserve it. There is nothing I can do to earn your love; I don't have to BE anything but myself...I don't have to TRY to become what I think I should be. Thank you, Daddy. I love you.

Forever yours,
Your little princess